I may have a blog, facebook, foursquare, and twitter that seem to broadcast my personal life and where-a-bouts, but despite what you might think, I keep a lot of things to myself. It's hard for me to let people in, to let people know how I really feel, to trust people. I'm always amazed when random people can read me, and there are a few out there that can, and that care to.
I have a couple who are regulars at work, and they want me to serve them every time. I saw them the other night after a few weeks and they were wondering where I had been. They had been in a few times and hadn't seen me, so they were pleasantly surprised when I walked in to work, just as they were being seated. It always makes me feel special when they walk in the door and want no one but me. Anyway, she looked at me the other night and said "you seem bored" and she's right. I was amazed that she seemed to just know, but that mother's intuition will get you every time.
I'm kind of tired of feeling like my life is going no where. I have pretty much decided that I don't want a career that is going to interfere with my ability to be a mother, when I get to that point, I'm not a 9-5 job kind of person. I don't see myself doing one thing for the rest of my life, except being a mother. I've always wanted to be a mom, ever since I can remember. I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I'm tired of coming home to a house I really don't enjoy being in to hang out by myself. I'm tired of hiding in my room, because I don't want to watch whatever god awful show is playing in the living room. I'm tired of finding guys that are interested in me while I'm not so sure about my feelings for them.
I'm picky when it comes to guys and relationships. But I'm tired of making excuses to people for why I don't want to date them, I'm tired of play "coy" about the whole thing. I hate hurting peoples feelings, but when I know I like someone I just know. And I don't know that I feel that way, about a lot of people. I want to find someone who is right for me. Who likes me as much as I like them. Someone who wants a future, who cares about my story, where I've been and where I'm going. I'm tired of being by myself all the time, having nothing to look forward to.
I'm sure I'm just having a bad day, and my mood will be better tomorrow. But at least you got some insight about me in the meantime. Thanks for listening/reading.