Saturday, August 3, 2013


It may sound silly, but this blog is inspired by a Thanksgiving episode of Dawson's Creek.

Brittany and I started a Dawson's Creek marathon recently and tonight was a Thanksgiving episode.  Those are actually some of my favorites, where everyone sits or stands around the dinner table and recites things they are thankful for.  Depending on the show, they all have very different things to be thankful for, but the one thing that is consistent is that what they say always sparks something in yourself.  You remember or are reminded of the things that you should be thankful for in your own life.  So...

I am thankful for the many friends I have met over the years, even the ones I don't keep in touch with any more.  I think back on many years of memories, with the people I called, still call, and will call again, friends.  Sometimes we let friendships, relationships, etc fall through the cracks when we're busy doing other things, starting new jobs, starting new relationships, making new friends, but something that will never change are the memories we have with those people.  I am a firm believer that the person that you are, that you become, has a lot to do with not only your environment, but the people in it.  You learned what Not to Do or what To Do from someone in your life, but either way you learned.  And no matter what, that's what we have to remember is important.  As long as you are learning, through the good or the bad, you are learning.  Learning who you are as a person, becoming the person you want to be or maybe the person you don't want to be.

I was recently told that the reason someone liked me was because I knew who I was as a person.  I was also told recently that I was the most dependable person that they knew.  I take these as some of the highest compliments one could get.  I will admit that I have not always known who I was, and I was probably not always dependable either.  But for good or for bad I was determined to figure out who I was, and in doing so I learned/decided what was important to me.  I decided what values I wanted to possess and I figured out how I could make myself happiest.  I can't say that I've always been happy and I can't say that I've never failed.  But through every failure I learned to accept defeat, move on, and learn for the future.

In finding myself I think I've hurt a few people along the way.  I don't mean to hurt people, and it hurts me more than they realize when I know that I do.  But unfortunately, heartbreak, pain, suffering, and tears are all part of life.  If you don't struggle you can't figure out who you are in the face of it.  Life is definitely not sunshine and roses, I would know better than most, but you'll never know how strong you are until you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and carry on.  But to those I have hurt, I'm very sorry!  I want you to know, that although I have hurt you, you are a part of my life and always will be in some way.

I think it is important to never forget the past.  A lot of people would I'm sure love to erase the "not so pretty" parts.  But to me those are the parts that are the most memorable.  Those are the situations you can learn the most from.  Three years ago I got a DUI and while you can judge me all you want for that, it is part of who I am.  And I'm ok with it.  I paid my fines, I did my assorted other court appointed stuff (the last of which is almost finished), and I did my jail time.  And I lived and learned and am now better for it.  I can't go to Canada apparently, but I think I'll be ok.  I have been heart broken and I've broken some hearts.  I've gotten drunk and made dumb decisions.  No one is perfect, and no one should be.  But being ok with you are, despite your faults and dumb decisions is something everyone needs to accomplish.

Family is a tricky one because as I have been reminded, you can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family.  And mine is definitely not perfect, but whose is honestly.  But you know what, they're mine and I love them for who they are.  I am grateful for each and every one of them.  For everything they are to me and who they are as individuals.  I don't see them very often, but they are always apart of my heart.  I would not be who I am without them.  I would especially not be who I am without my immediate family.  We have all been through a lot and some of us are closer than others, but they will always be there when I need them and that means the world to me.

So...I would like to say Thank You to everyone who, for better or for worse, has made me the person I am today.  I am grateful for each and every one of you.  For what you have taught me about life.  For what you have taught me about myself.  For possessing values I wanted to have and for possessing values I didn't want to have.  For letting me learn from my mistakes and from yours.  For letting me into your lives and letting me go when it was time.  For giving me roots when I needed a place to stand and for giving me wings when I was brave enough to fly.  For giving me love and accepting it from me.  For giving me friendship and accepting mine in return.  For giving me strength when I needed it the most and for letting me be your strength when you needed it.  Thank you for being you!