Sunday, October 16, 2011

When I Was Little

This was written by my sister the other day and she sent it to me to read. I asked her if I could post it on my blog for her and she gave me permission.  So here you are...  Enjoy!

When I was little I was repeatedly told my sister was gorgeous, my brother was a genius.  My sister is gorgeous, my brother is a genius.  Hmm... Well what was I?  Well I was the ugly duckling.  I was skinny, but had lots of pimples and disgusting frizzy curly hair.  My mom, of course, would tell me I was pretty, but not the person I ever really cared what he thought, which was my father.  He was never around when I was younger so I tried desperately to win his approval.  I wanted to be pretty and I wanted to be smart.  Even when I ran and competed I was never good enough.  There was always something I could do to be better.  I was never told "good job."  I stopped trying because I realized that it was just never going to happen.  It finally came to me that I was never going to hear what I wanted when I was in my prom dress my senior year.  I felt gorgeous, for probably the first time in my life, and he didn't say a word.  Now a days I have an eating disorder that will consume me for the rest of my life.  It is not something I am very proud of, but it is something that just makes me who I am.  I tried so hard for so long to hear someone tell me those words that now when people tell me, it goes in one ear and out the other.  I don't believe it when people tell me, because if people didn't think it back then then why do they think it now?  Today and for the rest of my life I will not think I ever had a father because he does not understand me nor has he ever been there for me.  It is because of him that I think about myself the way I do.  It is because of him that my mom, the greatest parent in the world will walk me down the aisle when I get married, and not him.  And because of him I will choose to have a father-daughter dance with my father-in-law and not him.  Congratulations Dad, I hope you got what you wanted.  

My Sister and my Mom on My Sister's Senior Prom Night

<3 you all!

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