I don't really let myself like many guys. I don't know why, but most of the time when I meet a guy I get to the "you annoy me" stage faster than the "I like you" stage. Which sometimes results in really bad timing when they get to the "I like you" stage and I've reached the "you annoy me" stage.
I hear all the time "why don't you have a boyfriend?" Most of the time my answer is "I get tired of them" or "I get annoyed with them". It sounds dumb, but it's true. I'm very good at being friends with guys because I'm not trying to date and marry them, so whatever tendencies or traits they have that I might find annoying in a boyfriend, don't bug me as a friend. I'm extremely picky and I'm even more guarded; it takes a lot for me to let you in. Most people tell me that they don't know what I'm thinking. Sometimes I wish they would because I think I get misunderstood in certain situations. But sometimes I think that "not knowing what I'm thinking" is my defense mechanism.
Somewhat on the contrary I'm a very caring person. I care deeply about a lot of people in my life. Caring that much sometimes gets me into trouble. I have a very Mom-like persona. I like to help, I like to care for people and therefore I worry about people. Disappointment is part of life. You can't change people, something I know but am continuously reminded. Sometimes the people you care most about in life, disappoint you, it's part of the ups and downs of every relationship no matter the nature of that relationship.
Life isn't perfect and neither are we. We all have moments of pure joy and absolute heartbreak. We all need to smile and laugh, fall down and cry.
I hope eventually we all let someone in who makes us wonder how we lived without them, even me.