Afraid to be You

After recent discussions I decided that this was a topic worth blogging about.

It seems as though people (I guess I'm saying particularly girls) are afraid to be themselves around  'potential love interests' we'll call them.  And/or they do things such as diets for that person to which they give up on when they're no longer together.  I don't get it.  Why are we trying to hide who we really are from people?  If they don't like you without make-up, in your pjs, and your hair not brushed then they aren't for you anyway.  And if things go well they will see all that and more so why are you trying to hide it from the beginning?  I realize things have steps, because by nature we are all self conscious at some point.  But I don't understand pretending you always look perfect, because no one is dumb enough to believe that.

And if you want to go on a diet, eat healthy, go the the gym, etc.  Then do it for you and because you want to and because it makes you feel better.  Not because you don't want your boyfriend to see that you've gained a few pounds.  Because if he loves you, he'll love you for being you.

Be proud of who you are, you are unique and beautiful in your own way.  And you shouldn't be afraid to let people see who you really are.

Much love my dearests! <3

Being A Girl

Being a girl sometimes gets us into trouble, our emotions tend get the best of us in certain situations.  I, in general, am pretty good at keeping my emotions in check, but even those of us that are in control of our emotions have break downs every now and then.  Sometimes the struggle for me comes when I don't know whether I should let my emotions show or whether I should keep them inside and just wait and see.  I probably err on the side of caution a bit too much, and don't let many people see the emotional side of me, but we all have ways of protecting ourselves, and I guess that's mine.

I was asked today "how can you be ok with that?"  And believe me there are plenty of situations that I'm not really "ok" with, but I have to think about what's best for the situation.  Being a girl and freaking out, or realizing that there are things in life you can't control and they will work themselves out one way or another?  I've learned over the years that you can't control how other people feel.  You can't make someone like you, you can't make someone faithful, you can't even make someone trust you.  Sometimes they either do or they don't, no matter the reason or how good it might be.  You also can't assume that everyone is going to hurt you, at some point you have to trust people and just hope you're right.

Relationships are complicated, emotions are complicated, and there is not always a clear right or wrong in situations.  There is no manual for life.  We're going to get hurt, we're going to be disappointed, bad things are  going to happen, but sometimes the best news, deepest love, or the greatest rewards come from the lowest points in our lives.  And that's just how it is...

Well, that's it from me for now.  Enjoy <3

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

I've been wanting to blog recently, but have been lacking the time and energy to get my thoughts in order.  So I thought I would post an older writing of mine.  It was a note I posted on Facebook dating back to last year.  But I like it and thought I'd share with the rest of you.  Happy Reading...

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently…and it’s no secret that writing is my healing process.  So, I think it’s about time that I let my heart and my head heal a little.

I’ve been going through a rough time recently…well…to be honest the last few years haven’t been that great.  I like to think that I hide it pretty well, but there are people that notice.  Some are the expected.  I know most of us can’t hide much from our Mom’s, but there are a few that even surprise me every now and then.  I guess my hard-to-readness doesn’t fool everyone. :)  I would like to say, before I complain anymore, that there are highlights in my life.  I have met some of the best people at my darkest, roughest times and I definitely owe those people, and everyone that stands by me through all the rough patches, my life.  They don’t know how much they really mean to me.  I would especially like to thank one person, who shall remain nameless, because recently he has been…indescribable to me.  And I just hope that he is around for a very long time.

I like quotes.  They’re like song lyrics in a way, which I also like.  There are so many of them out there, but when you find the right one it always makes you feel better.  My favorite is when you find the perfect song or quote for your exact mood at that moment, and you weren’t even trying…it’s like it just found you.  There seem to be quotes or songs, though that always fit a person.  I think a song that is eternally mine is Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison.  My Dad loved that type of music so I grew up listening to it, and I am also the only one of my siblings to get brown eyes.  I’ve had random friends tell me that that song reminds them of me.  I think if that song reminds you of me, you get me.  One of my favorite quotes, especially recently is… “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” — Marilyn Monroe.  I like to think that I don’t have a lot of “bad times”…I’m not really one of those crazy emotional, moody girls…or I try very hard not to be, but I’m definitely a stubborn, pain in the ass.  But I am also probably one of the nicest, most caring people you’ll ever meet (also in my opinion) but if you can’t handle both…well you probably won’t be around too long.

I like to help people.  It makes me feel good to be able to fix things, help…just do something.  Sometimes I wonder whether I do that too much and whether I need to spend more time fixing myself.  I’m admittedly screwed up in ways, I think we all are.  And to be honest, I don’t always like to think about the past, the good or the bad in some cases.

One of the biggest problems I have is that I really have no clue what I want to do with my life.  I always get ideas, different ones all the time.  They don’t always pan out very well though.  And I hate school.  It was painful enough just getting my Bachelor’s degree.  I changed majors 3 times and in the end wasn’t really very happy with the one I finally got a degree in.  Then I decided to go back to school for my Master’s and as many of you don’t know that just blew up in my face, but I recently wasn’t overly happy with that either.  I don’t dislike learning new things, I just hate the structure of school…it’s just not my thing.  I think I could be happy doing a lot of things and nothing all at the same time.  I’m not sure I was “made” to do one specific thing, but what does that mean?!  I have to have a job…a career…but what?  I wish I knew…

Well…since its 3am, my computer is about to die, and I’m about out of things to say I will leave you all with one last quote, one my roommate recently told me is the epitome of me… “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

Until next time…