Defying the impulse to jump ship

"The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you'll see their flaws. That's just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don't last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they're out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness' sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, it's seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship."

A few weeks ago a friend of mine posted this quote to her Instagram, and I couldn't thank her enough for her perfect timing. My boyfriend and I were, to put it as he did...having a "coming to Jesus moment". And I was a mess! He actually hasn't seen this quote, but I did. And I read it and re-read it. And it stuck with me. It's just so true. You think you love someone, I've thought I've loved people and then you get to that point, whatever it is. You get to the cliff in your relationship, and you can jump together or you can turn around and walk away.

It's been a little over a year since I decided to give this guy a chance. He has probably loved me since the first day he saw me and he tried for 8 months to win me over. And he finally did. He surprised me, he was a better guy than I ever thought he was. I shouldn't say that past tense. He still is, and always will be, an amazing guy!

Our relationship has not been perfect, in almost a year we've been through a lot! But looking back on all of the memories, I wouldn't change them. I've had other boyfriends and I've called them "the loves of my life" or "my future" and I can't say that I've ever said that about Nate, but I don't need to. He tells me that I'm going to marry him one day and we'll be together forever, and I know that to be true. Now more than ever.

We both have had our doubts, but we have defied the impulse to jump ship. I cannot imagine my life without him. He challenges me, he irritates me, he accepts me, and he LOVES me.  And I love him, more than I could ever express. And I want him to know that. We've been to the edge of the cliff, about to turn around. We've been on the plank, about to jump. But we're both still here. And I have no plans to jump. I want to weather the storm, although it's probable I'll get sea sick sometimes. ;) I want to fight with you and love you. I want to go to bed and wake up next to you, always. I want you to love me until the end of time. I want to travel with you and grow old with you. I want to stand with you on the edge of the ship...and defy the urge to jump.

I love you!