It may sound silly, but this blog is inspired by a Thanksgiving episode of Dawson's Creek.
Brittany and I started a Dawson's Creek marathon recently and tonight was a Thanksgiving episode. Those are actually some of my favorites, where everyone sits or stands around the dinner table and recites things they are thankful for. Depending on the show, they all have very different things to be thankful for, but the one thing that is consistent is that what they say always sparks something in yourself. You remember or are reminded of the things that you should be thankful for in your own life. So...
I am thankful for the many friends I have met over the years, even the ones I don't keep in touch with any more. I think back on many years of memories, with the people I called, still call, and will call again, friends. Sometimes we let friendships, relationships, etc fall through the cracks when we're busy doing other things, starting new jobs, starting new relationships, making new friends, but something that will never change are the memories we have with those people. I am a firm believer that the person that you are, that you become, has a lot to do with not only your environment, but the people in it. You learned what Not to Do or what To Do from someone in your life, but either way you learned. And no matter what, that's what we have to remember is important. As long as you are learning, through the good or the bad, you are learning. Learning who you are as a person, becoming the person you want to be or maybe the person you don't want to be.
I was recently told that the reason someone liked me was because I knew who I was as a person. I was also told recently that I was the most dependable person that they knew. I take these as some of the highest compliments one could get. I will admit that I have not always known who I was, and I was probably not always dependable either. But for good or for bad I was determined to figure out who I was, and in doing so I learned/decided what was important to me. I decided what values I wanted to possess and I figured out how I could make myself happiest. I can't say that I've always been happy and I can't say that I've never failed. But through every failure I learned to accept defeat, move on, and learn for the future.
In finding myself I think I've hurt a few people along the way. I don't mean to hurt people, and it hurts me more than they realize when I know that I do. But unfortunately, heartbreak, pain, suffering, and tears are all part of life. If you don't struggle you can't figure out who you are in the face of it. Life is definitely not sunshine and roses, I would know better than most, but you'll never know how strong you are until you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and carry on. But to those I have hurt, I'm very sorry! I want you to know, that although I have hurt you, you are a part of my life and always will be in some way.
I think it is important to never forget the past. A lot of people would I'm sure love to erase the "not so pretty" parts. But to me those are the parts that are the most memorable. Those are the situations you can learn the most from. Three years ago I got a DUI and while you can judge me all you want for that, it is part of who I am. And I'm ok with it. I paid my fines, I did my assorted other court appointed stuff (the last of which is almost finished), and I did my jail time. And I lived and learned and am now better for it. I can't go to Canada apparently, but I think I'll be ok. I have been heart broken and I've broken some hearts. I've gotten drunk and made dumb decisions. No one is perfect, and no one should be. But being ok with you are, despite your faults and dumb decisions is something everyone needs to accomplish.
Family is a tricky one because as I have been reminded, you can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family. And mine is definitely not perfect, but whose is honestly. But you know what, they're mine and I love them for who they are. I am grateful for each and every one of them. For everything they are to me and who they are as individuals. I don't see them very often, but they are always apart of my heart. I would not be who I am without them. I would especially not be who I am without my immediate family. We have all been through a lot and some of us are closer than others, but they will always be there when I need them and that means the world to me.
So...I would like to say Thank You to everyone who, for better or for worse, has made me the person I am today. I am grateful for each and every one of you. For what you have taught me about life. For what you have taught me about myself. For possessing values I wanted to have and for possessing values I didn't want to have. For letting me learn from my mistakes and from yours. For letting me into your lives and letting me go when it was time. For giving me roots when I needed a place to stand and for giving me wings when I was brave enough to fly. For giving me love and accepting it from me. For giving me friendship and accepting mine in return. For giving me strength when I needed it the most and for letting me be your strength when you needed it. Thank you for being you!
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Everything Happens for a Reason
This might be a repeat title in my blog, but it's a phrase that all of us, at some point in our lives, will need to be reminded. And it's something that I am remembering today.
I am no stranger to dark days. And I'm sure I will have many more in my lifetime. I have never skated through life unharmed. I have had many obstacles, some of which I've overcome, some of which I haven't. But I've always learned, adapted.
I've learned things about myself. I've learned things about other people, my friends, former friends, my family. And I've adapted. I learned to live without a car for two years. I walked to work, took cabs and buses. It wasn't easy and certainly not fun, but I did it. I unfortunately have learned to be unemployed. I have learned to keep myself busy, to conserve money and to borrow when I have to. I have learned that you can't always count on the people you thought you could and you will get taken advantage of. But I am a better, stronger person because of everything I've been through.
And like the title says, Everything Happens for a Reason. I have gone through all I have, met the people I have all to make me who I am.
And sometimes life rewards you for your struggles. In the midst of one of the hardest years of my life I was lucky enough to be blessed with a new job and through that job I found him. The job, as it turns out, was not so great. But it led me to him. When I met him I wasn't sure I was ready. Wasn't sure I could be in a relationship after everything I'd been through recently. But my head was proven wrong by my heart. And I couldn't be happier.
I found someone who I might never have pictured myself with, but he's exactly what I need, want. And I love him.
Nothing is ever perfect and neither are we. But I've learned that when you really care, it really is worth fighting for, working for. And at the end of the day, despite feeling frustrated or defeated sometimes, there is no other place I'd rather be than sleeping right beside him.
So, everything really does happen for a reason. Whether you recognize it right away or not. And sometimes when you least expect it you'll be blessed with exactly what you need. So keep your head up everyone!
Babe, I'm the lucky one! I love you!
<3 E
I am no stranger to dark days. And I'm sure I will have many more in my lifetime. I have never skated through life unharmed. I have had many obstacles, some of which I've overcome, some of which I haven't. But I've always learned, adapted.
I've learned things about myself. I've learned things about other people, my friends, former friends, my family. And I've adapted. I learned to live without a car for two years. I walked to work, took cabs and buses. It wasn't easy and certainly not fun, but I did it. I unfortunately have learned to be unemployed. I have learned to keep myself busy, to conserve money and to borrow when I have to. I have learned that you can't always count on the people you thought you could and you will get taken advantage of. But I am a better, stronger person because of everything I've been through.
And like the title says, Everything Happens for a Reason. I have gone through all I have, met the people I have all to make me who I am.
And sometimes life rewards you for your struggles. In the midst of one of the hardest years of my life I was lucky enough to be blessed with a new job and through that job I found him. The job, as it turns out, was not so great. But it led me to him. When I met him I wasn't sure I was ready. Wasn't sure I could be in a relationship after everything I'd been through recently. But my head was proven wrong by my heart. And I couldn't be happier.
I found someone who I might never have pictured myself with, but he's exactly what I need, want. And I love him.
Nothing is ever perfect and neither are we. But I've learned that when you really care, it really is worth fighting for, working for. And at the end of the day, despite feeling frustrated or defeated sometimes, there is no other place I'd rather be than sleeping right beside him.
So, everything really does happen for a reason. Whether you recognize it right away or not. And sometimes when you least expect it you'll be blessed with exactly what you need. So keep your head up everyone!
Babe, I'm the lucky one! I love you!
<3 E
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Trying Hard
Today was a very frustrating day on top of what has been a very frustrating month. A month ago today I was fired. The act of being fired doesn't really get to me any more. I've been fired enough times by now that the act itself, although never fun, doesn't really bother me. There usually isn't anything you can do about it, so you go on as life does. It's what happens after you get fired that I don't think anyone will ever get used to.
I hate looking for jobs, probably because it reminds me that I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Struggling for money is one of the worst, most frustrating, helpless feelings in your life. I'm 27 years old and I still can't take care of myself. In fact I probably did a better job of it when I was 19 than I'm doing now. It makes me feel like a terrible person, and if I didn't feel bad enough already I can't receive any help from my father without him reminding me that I have no direction. All help comes with strings, I know, but he's not known for his motivational speaking.
I also hate car problems. I feel like that is the story of my life these days. I didn't have a car for two years and it definitely was not sunshine and roses always. I like being able to get in the car and go wherever I want. But I would trade repair expenses and stress for bus and cab rides any day. That is what is so frustrating about today. I went to my truck and...no brakes. This is now the second time in a month. All I can say is, at least I wasn't driving it this time and it's not stuck in Surprise so the tow to the shop will be cheaper (as I say that I create silent panic in my brain because my unemployed self cannot afford any more expenses). I think by this point I have paid double what I paid for the car in repairs. Some would consider that good (the truck was cheap), but I consider that to be not worth it. I, unfortunately, am used to being in situations where I can't do anything about it, so I will just deal and figure it out. But I can't wait for that conversation with my father...
I think the most frustrating, part of the last month has been the best thing in my life. I realize that makes no sense, but I'll explain. 3 months ago, today in fact (well...Saturday), I started dating My Future. Love of my Life sounds cliche...so I'm going to call him My Future. He makes me happier than I could ever imagine, no time with him is ever enough, and I'm more grateful for him than he could ever know. Sounds great right? What could be so frustrating? I can't help but feel like I'm failing and some how failing him. I sit at his house on the couch all day while he does things because it's cheaper. I don't want to waste gas, I don't want to be tempted to spend money. Sometimes it's hard to be happy even though I have him because the majority of me is a mess. And that's not fair to him. And it's not his fault.
I'm lost, I'll admit it. I've been lost for most of my life I think. I find things here and there to distract myself, but I'm ultimately still lost. I've come to terms with the fact that I am not most people. I don't take the path most traveled. I learn lessons the hard way. I'm stubborn. I'm not going to be a millionaire, don't think I'd want to be. I'm not a 9 to 5 job person, it's boring. I can make anything seem like the right thing for a while, but ultimately they're not. I believe with 100% of my heart that I was meant to be a Mom. But I also know that right now is not the time. And I haven't found my second calling in life, who knows, maybe I'll never find it. I may be lost for a lifetime.
So...trying hard... I'm trying very hard to keep it all together. I'm trying to find a job, trying to get my vehicle fixed and get it to stay that way. I'm trying to figure myself out, get my life together, support myself. I'm trying to be a girlfriend, a friend, a daughter, a sister, etc. But it's hard and I fail and I feel bad. There's nothing worse in life than disappointing the ones you love.
Since I'm a big quote person, and because it will make me feel better here are a few...
Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.
- Robert Kennedy
Life is a song - sing it.
Life is a game - play it.
Life is a challenge - meet it.
Life is a dream - realize it.
Life is a sacrifice - offer it.
Life is love - enjoy it.
- Sai Baba
Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
It's about learning how to dance in the rain.
- Vivian Greene
Being human, we are imperfect. That's why we need each other.
To catch each other when we falter.
To encourage each other when we lose heart.
Some may lead; others may follow; but none of us can go it alone.
- Hilary Clinton
Flatter me, and I may not believe you.
Criticize me, and I may not like you.
Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.
Encourage me, and I will not forget you.
Love me and I may be forced to love you.
- William Arthur Ward
<3 E
I hate looking for jobs, probably because it reminds me that I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Struggling for money is one of the worst, most frustrating, helpless feelings in your life. I'm 27 years old and I still can't take care of myself. In fact I probably did a better job of it when I was 19 than I'm doing now. It makes me feel like a terrible person, and if I didn't feel bad enough already I can't receive any help from my father without him reminding me that I have no direction. All help comes with strings, I know, but he's not known for his motivational speaking.
I also hate car problems. I feel like that is the story of my life these days. I didn't have a car for two years and it definitely was not sunshine and roses always. I like being able to get in the car and go wherever I want. But I would trade repair expenses and stress for bus and cab rides any day. That is what is so frustrating about today. I went to my truck and...no brakes. This is now the second time in a month. All I can say is, at least I wasn't driving it this time and it's not stuck in Surprise so the tow to the shop will be cheaper (as I say that I create silent panic in my brain because my unemployed self cannot afford any more expenses). I think by this point I have paid double what I paid for the car in repairs. Some would consider that good (the truck was cheap), but I consider that to be not worth it. I, unfortunately, am used to being in situations where I can't do anything about it, so I will just deal and figure it out. But I can't wait for that conversation with my father...
I think the most frustrating, part of the last month has been the best thing in my life. I realize that makes no sense, but I'll explain. 3 months ago, today in fact (well...Saturday), I started dating My Future. Love of my Life sounds cliche...so I'm going to call him My Future. He makes me happier than I could ever imagine, no time with him is ever enough, and I'm more grateful for him than he could ever know. Sounds great right? What could be so frustrating? I can't help but feel like I'm failing and some how failing him. I sit at his house on the couch all day while he does things because it's cheaper. I don't want to waste gas, I don't want to be tempted to spend money. Sometimes it's hard to be happy even though I have him because the majority of me is a mess. And that's not fair to him. And it's not his fault.
I'm lost, I'll admit it. I've been lost for most of my life I think. I find things here and there to distract myself, but I'm ultimately still lost. I've come to terms with the fact that I am not most people. I don't take the path most traveled. I learn lessons the hard way. I'm stubborn. I'm not going to be a millionaire, don't think I'd want to be. I'm not a 9 to 5 job person, it's boring. I can make anything seem like the right thing for a while, but ultimately they're not. I believe with 100% of my heart that I was meant to be a Mom. But I also know that right now is not the time. And I haven't found my second calling in life, who knows, maybe I'll never find it. I may be lost for a lifetime.
So...trying hard... I'm trying very hard to keep it all together. I'm trying to find a job, trying to get my vehicle fixed and get it to stay that way. I'm trying to figure myself out, get my life together, support myself. I'm trying to be a girlfriend, a friend, a daughter, a sister, etc. But it's hard and I fail and I feel bad. There's nothing worse in life than disappointing the ones you love.
Since I'm a big quote person, and because it will make me feel better here are a few...
Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.
- Robert Kennedy
Life is a song - sing it.
Life is a game - play it.
Life is a challenge - meet it.
Life is a dream - realize it.
Life is a sacrifice - offer it.
Life is love - enjoy it.
- Sai Baba
Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
It's about learning how to dance in the rain.
- Vivian Greene
Being human, we are imperfect. That's why we need each other.
To catch each other when we falter.
To encourage each other when we lose heart.
Some may lead; others may follow; but none of us can go it alone.
- Hilary Clinton
Flatter me, and I may not believe you.
Criticize me, and I may not like you.
Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.
Encourage me, and I will not forget you.
Love me and I may be forced to love you.
- William Arthur Ward
<3 E
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Now What?
There has been a lot on my mind recently, and I can't figure it all out. I'm not entirely sure how I'm suppose to feel.
A few weeks ago something I never imagined would happen to me, happened. And because of it I lost a very close friend. After the 'incident' I knew what I had to do, and I did it. I'm a strong person, woman, and I deserve more, better. I don't regret my decision to leave and walk away, it was the right thing. But I can't help but think "now what?"
I can't help but think that I failed. I let things go too far, I involved too many people, and now more than ever I feel stuck. I feel as though I have dug myself too deep of a hole. I know with a lot of hard work I'll climb out, and I know that I will be fine and my friends and family will be there for me. But I feel very guilty right now. I've involved a lot of people in a decision and a life that they didn't need to be a part of. It's because of how much they care for me that they are involved as well. I cared about another person more than I cared about myself, and because of that the people who really love and care about me are being burdened.
I'm starting over, which isn't new for me. But the only thing I have in which to start over is a vehicle, something that wasn't even my idea...but it became my responsibility. I'm grateful for the vehicle, previously I had been without one for two years. But currently it's a burden I'm putting on other people as well, which just makes me feel guilty again.
I hate depending on other people, I've done it before, everyone needs help, everyone has hard times. But this time I did it with my own decisions. I got myself fired, I agreed to help a friend, and I let things get SO out of control that I've been homeless for 3 months. My things are in storage, I have had to buy clothes to go to interviews, buy new jeans to fit me because I've lost so much weight that nothing I have fits me. And I can't afford anything. For a long time I thought I had it all under control. It was difficult, things never got easier, but I was going to figure it out. I am officially willing to admit that I lost control...months ago.
Yes, I know I'm going to be fine. Everyone keeps hovering around me like I need to be rescued. And in all honesty I probably do. But I don't want to be. I don't want more help. I've asked for too much. I was too stubborn for too long and I got hurt.
I feel very lost, I don't know where to go, I don't know what the right decision is. I don't even know what I want. So...now what?
I'm sorry to those that I have burdened, I'm sorry for being stubborn, I'm sorry for dragging you all into to this. I love you for loving me! And I promise to make it all better, somehow, someday.
A few weeks ago something I never imagined would happen to me, happened. And because of it I lost a very close friend. After the 'incident' I knew what I had to do, and I did it. I'm a strong person, woman, and I deserve more, better. I don't regret my decision to leave and walk away, it was the right thing. But I can't help but think "now what?"
I can't help but think that I failed. I let things go too far, I involved too many people, and now more than ever I feel stuck. I feel as though I have dug myself too deep of a hole. I know with a lot of hard work I'll climb out, and I know that I will be fine and my friends and family will be there for me. But I feel very guilty right now. I've involved a lot of people in a decision and a life that they didn't need to be a part of. It's because of how much they care for me that they are involved as well. I cared about another person more than I cared about myself, and because of that the people who really love and care about me are being burdened.
I'm starting over, which isn't new for me. But the only thing I have in which to start over is a vehicle, something that wasn't even my idea...but it became my responsibility. I'm grateful for the vehicle, previously I had been without one for two years. But currently it's a burden I'm putting on other people as well, which just makes me feel guilty again.
I hate depending on other people, I've done it before, everyone needs help, everyone has hard times. But this time I did it with my own decisions. I got myself fired, I agreed to help a friend, and I let things get SO out of control that I've been homeless for 3 months. My things are in storage, I have had to buy clothes to go to interviews, buy new jeans to fit me because I've lost so much weight that nothing I have fits me. And I can't afford anything. For a long time I thought I had it all under control. It was difficult, things never got easier, but I was going to figure it out. I am officially willing to admit that I lost control...months ago.
Yes, I know I'm going to be fine. Everyone keeps hovering around me like I need to be rescued. And in all honesty I probably do. But I don't want to be. I don't want more help. I've asked for too much. I was too stubborn for too long and I got hurt.
I feel very lost, I don't know where to go, I don't know what the right decision is. I don't even know what I want. So...now what?
I'm sorry to those that I have burdened, I'm sorry for being stubborn, I'm sorry for dragging you all into to this. I love you for loving me! And I promise to make it all better, somehow, someday.
Monday, September 10, 2012
The Contents of My Life
I haven't blogged in a while. There has been a lot going on, and even more going on in my head. So it's probably about time I get some of it out of my head and into a blog.
The topic of Home has been stirring around in my head as of late. No matter what was going on at previous points of my life, the chaos, the disappointments, the norms of every day life. I have always had a place to retreat to. A home. I think that is very important, to me anyway, to have a place you feel safe. A place where you are surrounded by your belongings. A place you can hide out. A place that is yours.
I've been struggling a lot with this lately. I have a place to stay, a place I feel safe, but it's not mine. And what makes it not mine is the suitcase filled with my clothes at the end of the bed, the shower supplies in the closet, the 3 pairs of shoes I have to choose from: work shoes, chucks, and flip flops. I'm more grateful than I could ever express for the roof that's over my head, and the person who is providing it for me. But I feel very lost right now. Lost for many reasons, but instead of a place to call my own, I have a room with my belongings in it. I went to the storage unit, which is housing the rest of my belongings, the other week; it made me incredibly sad. I stood at the door of the storage unit and looked over everything I owned. And I could barely get to any of it. It was all there in front of me, and I couldn't have it. It makes me tear up a little bit, just thinking about it.
I'm not very materialistic, I don't need stuff to make me happy, but at the same time the contents of my life are in a 10x17 box right now. Everything that I have worked for, saved for, been gifted, all my memories are behind a garage door. I can't wear any other clothes than the ones that are in my suit case (most of which don't even fit me right now), I can't have any other pairs of shoes, I can't watch a DVD I own, I can't do anything but just look at everything.
I'm frustrated. I don't like to place blame on others, so I won't. But I work hard, I always do what I can to help others out. And here I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I never put me first, it's a flaw I have for sure, one that won't soon go away. But I also feel too many people in this world are only concerned with themselves. They never put anyone else first. It's one of our worst problems in America I think, we forgot what it's like to look out for others.
I do this to myself. I put myself in these positions where in the end I always get screwed, because I put my faith in others and I put them before myself. And I'll work hard some more, I'll put my head down and figure it out (not without a little help, of course). I always do. Sometimes I just need a little reminder.
Well....enough from me for now, but I do have to end with a quote:
"You never know how strong you are...until being strong is the only choice you have."
The topic of Home has been stirring around in my head as of late. No matter what was going on at previous points of my life, the chaos, the disappointments, the norms of every day life. I have always had a place to retreat to. A home. I think that is very important, to me anyway, to have a place you feel safe. A place where you are surrounded by your belongings. A place you can hide out. A place that is yours.
I've been struggling a lot with this lately. I have a place to stay, a place I feel safe, but it's not mine. And what makes it not mine is the suitcase filled with my clothes at the end of the bed, the shower supplies in the closet, the 3 pairs of shoes I have to choose from: work shoes, chucks, and flip flops. I'm more grateful than I could ever express for the roof that's over my head, and the person who is providing it for me. But I feel very lost right now. Lost for many reasons, but instead of a place to call my own, I have a room with my belongings in it. I went to the storage unit, which is housing the rest of my belongings, the other week; it made me incredibly sad. I stood at the door of the storage unit and looked over everything I owned. And I could barely get to any of it. It was all there in front of me, and I couldn't have it. It makes me tear up a little bit, just thinking about it.
I'm not very materialistic, I don't need stuff to make me happy, but at the same time the contents of my life are in a 10x17 box right now. Everything that I have worked for, saved for, been gifted, all my memories are behind a garage door. I can't wear any other clothes than the ones that are in my suit case (most of which don't even fit me right now), I can't have any other pairs of shoes, I can't watch a DVD I own, I can't do anything but just look at everything.
I'm frustrated. I don't like to place blame on others, so I won't. But I work hard, I always do what I can to help others out. And here I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I never put me first, it's a flaw I have for sure, one that won't soon go away. But I also feel too many people in this world are only concerned with themselves. They never put anyone else first. It's one of our worst problems in America I think, we forgot what it's like to look out for others.
I do this to myself. I put myself in these positions where in the end I always get screwed, because I put my faith in others and I put them before myself. And I'll work hard some more, I'll put my head down and figure it out (not without a little help, of course). I always do. Sometimes I just need a little reminder.
Well....enough from me for now, but I do have to end with a quote:
"You never know how strong you are...until being strong is the only choice you have."
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
She is clothed in Strength
I have been thinking about a lot of things recently, as hopefully the culmination of a lot of different 'projects' comes to an end. This summer has been an interesting one, not one that most people would have or could have predicted.
I have put myself in a position that most people would not advise. Most people that know the whole story feel I have been taken advantage of. However, despite the adversity, the opinions, the changes in plans; I have never once questioned who I am as an individual or how I got into this situation. I put myself where I am and I will get myself out, and be better off for it.
My wrists say "I am" and "I can" and that is now more true than ever. I have found strength in myself that I never knew I had and I didn't have to struggle to find it. I know that no matter what happens I can figure it out, I can make it through. So despite any surprises that came our way this summer, I remained calm, I've figured it out and I've done what I've had to do. And I'll continue to do that.
I have been in some low places throughout my life and I have always come out a better person. Sometimes it's easy to get down on yourself, blame other people, be depressed, but for the first time in my life when things didn't go my way, I knew I'd be ok. Could things have been less difficult, of course. But I choose the path less traveled constantly. I am stronger than most. I am proud of myself and the person I have become!
I recently found this quote and it's my new favorite, I feel it defines me in a way:
She is clothed in Strength and Dignity, and she Laughs without Fear of the Future. -Proverbs 11:25
I have put myself in a position that most people would not advise. Most people that know the whole story feel I have been taken advantage of. However, despite the adversity, the opinions, the changes in plans; I have never once questioned who I am as an individual or how I got into this situation. I put myself where I am and I will get myself out, and be better off for it.
My wrists say "I am" and "I can" and that is now more true than ever. I have found strength in myself that I never knew I had and I didn't have to struggle to find it. I know that no matter what happens I can figure it out, I can make it through. So despite any surprises that came our way this summer, I remained calm, I've figured it out and I've done what I've had to do. And I'll continue to do that.
I have been in some low places throughout my life and I have always come out a better person. Sometimes it's easy to get down on yourself, blame other people, be depressed, but for the first time in my life when things didn't go my way, I knew I'd be ok. Could things have been less difficult, of course. But I choose the path less traveled constantly. I am stronger than most. I am proud of myself and the person I have become!
I recently found this quote and it's my new favorite, I feel it defines me in a way:
She is clothed in Strength and Dignity, and she Laughs without Fear of the Future. -Proverbs 11:25
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
A Reason, a Season or a Lifetime
"Reason, Season, or a Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come in to your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
-Unknown"
I love this poem! It does such a good job of explaining how certain people come into your life and you wonder how you ever lived without them. Last Monday I said: "This week...although barely started looks like it's going to be a good one!" And while I wasn't totally right about that statement, I wasn't wrong either. Last week I learned how special certain people in my life can make me feel. I learned that I made more friends than I ever thought I could at a job, and that I will have many of those friends for a long time.
I have learned that life seems to give you what you need, even when you didn't know you needed it. I think RnR was that for me. I just wanted a new job, and what I got was way more than just a new job. I have met some of the most amazing people and they have touched me deeply! I have gained a family. A dysfunctional one, but a family none the less. It's life experiences like that, that remind me more and more what I believe my purpose in life to be. It solidifies to me that life is not perfect, but it's the people in your life that make it all worthwhile.
I don't know that I will ever find my one true love, but I know that I will always have plenty of love in my life. I don't know that my family will be perfect, but I know my friends are my family too and that's all you can ask for. I don't know that I will find a career to call my own, but I know that I feel happiest when I can be there for other people.
I believe my purpose in life is to be myself. I was born to be a Mom, there is never a doubt in my mind about that, and I hope that someday I will have kids of my own, but until then I am content to "mother" my friends. I don't mean that as a bad thing. I am happiest when I can give people what they need most: an ear to listen to their problems, a hug when it's just that kinda day, a place to go and escape, home cooked food when you need a good meal, the feeling that someone out there cares and loves you for exactly who you are. I wouldn't change the joy I feel when I know I can be there for someone, for anything in this world.
There is a quote that says: "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -Maya Angelou" I believe that to be true, and pretty perfect for this situation. I hope that I can live up to that quote! I hope that I have made people feel as special as they have made me feel, and I hope that they will always remember how I made them feel. People may come into your life for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime, but at the end of the day all that really matters in life is the friends you've made, your family (blood-related or not), and the memories of all of it.
<3
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come in to your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
-Unknown"
I love this poem! It does such a good job of explaining how certain people come into your life and you wonder how you ever lived without them. Last Monday I said: "This week...although barely started looks like it's going to be a good one!" And while I wasn't totally right about that statement, I wasn't wrong either. Last week I learned how special certain people in my life can make me feel. I learned that I made more friends than I ever thought I could at a job, and that I will have many of those friends for a long time.
I have learned that life seems to give you what you need, even when you didn't know you needed it. I think RnR was that for me. I just wanted a new job, and what I got was way more than just a new job. I have met some of the most amazing people and they have touched me deeply! I have gained a family. A dysfunctional one, but a family none the less. It's life experiences like that, that remind me more and more what I believe my purpose in life to be. It solidifies to me that life is not perfect, but it's the people in your life that make it all worthwhile.
I don't know that I will ever find my one true love, but I know that I will always have plenty of love in my life. I don't know that my family will be perfect, but I know my friends are my family too and that's all you can ask for. I don't know that I will find a career to call my own, but I know that I feel happiest when I can be there for other people.
I believe my purpose in life is to be myself. I was born to be a Mom, there is never a doubt in my mind about that, and I hope that someday I will have kids of my own, but until then I am content to "mother" my friends. I don't mean that as a bad thing. I am happiest when I can give people what they need most: an ear to listen to their problems, a hug when it's just that kinda day, a place to go and escape, home cooked food when you need a good meal, the feeling that someone out there cares and loves you for exactly who you are. I wouldn't change the joy I feel when I know I can be there for someone, for anything in this world.
There is a quote that says: "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -Maya Angelou" I believe that to be true, and pretty perfect for this situation. I hope that I can live up to that quote! I hope that I have made people feel as special as they have made me feel, and I hope that they will always remember how I made them feel. People may come into your life for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime, but at the end of the day all that really matters in life is the friends you've made, your family (blood-related or not), and the memories of all of it.
<3
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