Our Generation

Our generation is all about sex, which seems to have made dating almost disappear.  How do you decide you like someone these days?  You have sex with them...  And if you like it you'll probably do it again, and eventually you may decide that you like them enough to be in a relationship with them.  If you can't find anyone new, you hook up with your ex's until you find someone new you might be interested in.  That's how we do things these days.

I'm not saying I'm innocent and have never participated in such activities, some of you know stories to the contrary.  But I've recently decided I'm over it.  It might just be a temporary state of mind, could be permanent...only time will tell.  But what I learned about myself from being with my ex was that I enjoyed sex a whole lot more when it was someone I was really interested in, someone who was interested in me, someone who made me feel special, comfortable.

There have been several movies out recently about the concept of "Friends with Benefits" which as we all know ends badly, because one person always develops more feelings for the other person than the other one develops.  I've been on both ends of this, I've been the one with more feelings and I've been the one with less feelings.  Either way, it's not fun.

I could say more on the subject, but I guess I will keep some things to myself.  Please don't be offended by anything I've said, I place no judgement on anyone who is participating/wants to participate in such activities.  I've just decided for the moment it's not for me.  I'm choosing to wait for the one who makes me feel special again.

Enjoy what's left of the weekend my <3's!

He's Not Perfect

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook earlier and I liked it, so I saved it and now I'm sharing it with you.

Enjoy my <3's

Fairy Tales

I don't know what it is about movies that make my head run rampant with thoughts, but for some reason they do.

I went to see Friends with Benefits tonight with Brittany.  SUCH a good movie, by the way, definitely worth seeing.  It did make me miss having someone to make out with.  I love making out...don't know why, but I always have.  But...that's not the point of this little blog.  The point of it is, Fairy Tales.

It's stupid and all kinds of cliche, but all girls want a Fairy Tale and Prince Charming.  I think most of us realize that he won't come riding in on a white horse and sweep us off our feet, but we probably shouldn't crush the dreams of those delusional girls out there.  Most girls just want the man of our dreams to do something extraordinary and win us over, make us believe that he's the only one for us and that we'll live happily ever after.  Actually, I'm not even sure they have to do anything that extraordinary, just making us feel special and wanting to spend their life with us is mostly all we need, ok a few flowers and a ring wouldn't hurt...but we'll skip the details.

I try to hide it most of the time, but there's a romantic in me and I'm a firm believer in "when you know, you know."   I think a lot of people try to pretend and hide their feelings, cause that kinda stuff can be scary, but I believe that there is someone out there for everyone, we weren't meant to be alone.  Sometimes as a character in Friends with Benefits says "you have to update your fairy tale".  A few of us probably need to work on that, but I think it's normal and healthy to have a Fairy Tale, even if it's some what unrealistic.  We all deserve the best, so aim high.

Anyway...that's all I got.  I hope you all get your Fairy Tales and live Happily Ever After...

Guys vs. Girls

I had a comment about the difference between guys and girls the other day, but it was a little too long for a FB status so I thought I'd post it here...

So...based on my recent experience I feel like guys (yes, I'm generalizing) think that when they think a girl is cute/hot/pretty/etc that, that girl MUST find them to be the same.  They find you attractive, what do you mean you don't think of them the same way?!  However I believe girls (again I'm generalizing) are slightly smarter, and just because they find a guy to be attractive they understand that the feeling might not be reciprocated.

Maybe I'm wrong, but then again...maybe I'm not.

It contains my Heart

I went to a movie tonight with my friend Brittany.  We saw Something Borrowed.  It was a good movie, definitely worth seeing.  I've been a little emotional lately, but trying to hide it and pretend my emotions aren't there.  I've gotten pretty good at that, but occasionally they get the best of me and I guess the movie must've triggered something.  So when I came home I wrote a little something.  If you don't already know, writing is my healing process, and as part of the process I feel I need to share.  So here goes...

I hate that I still miss you
I hate that I can't get what I really want to say out
I hate that I can't be happy for you
I hate that the thought of seeing you gives me anxiety
I hate that no one compares to you
But mostly I hate that I don't hate you.

I have a notebook, it contains a lot of letters, poems, thoughts, and feelings.  It contains my heart.

Almost a Year

As always I should be doing work right now, but it's been a rough day already so I needed some quick blog therapy.

As we near the one year anniversary of my car dying I continue to wonder how I have not gone clinically insane without a car for a year, especially on days like today.

I woke up late this morning, I don't remember my alarm going off, but oh well can't do much about that now.  I woke up to a message from my roommate telling me he needed his car today (he is nice enough to share his car with me), which meant he needed to take me to work.  He said he didn't remember if I worked so to knock on his door if I needed him to drive me.  I don't know how he didn't remember if I worked since we had talked about the fact that he might have to drive me at 11:30pm last night, but anyway.  So I send him a message when I wake up late saying yes I work this morning and I'd be ready in 10 minutes.  No response... So I get ready and knock on his door, get some food together for work, knock again....stand there and wait, walk in circles...knock again... At this point I should already be at work and I am still at my house a good 15-20 minutes away.  So I make the executive decision to just leave, he must've fallen back asleep, but I can't very well wait to find out and we'll just have to deal with the car thing later.

So...I get to work and apologize to my boss for being late, I don't explain it, because it's my issue not his and there is no excuse really.  I've probably been at work for 30 minutes and I get a message from my roommate...he just got my message and he needs his car.  His sister has a doctor appointment he has to take her to in 30 minutes and it took her 6 months to even get this appointment.  SH*T!  My boss was on the phone so I rather impatiently waited for him to be done and packed up all my stuff.  When he was done I hurriedly explained the situation and said I would work from home and come back later if I could.  I'm extremely flustered at this point and feel HORRIBLE about everything going on.

I get back home, my roommate leaves, and here I sit...suppose to be doing work from home.  Oye!  Now obviously this is not a daily or weekly occurance. But similar events happen about every month to month and a half.  I really do not know how I have not gone insane.  I can't remember exactly what date my car died on...I think it was a Tuesday or Thursday but it was at the end of April/very beginning of May so we are coming up on 1 year.

I would like to thank everyone who has let me borrow their car over the last year because you have helped me more than you will ever know.  Hopefully "non-car" state will not continue for me much longer because I can't handle too many more days like this.  But for now I need to get some work done.  I hope everyone has a wonderful day and a wonderful rest of the week!

<3

Thoughts

I hate to be one of those girls that's "never over their ex" and this is not going to be one of those posts, but it does have some reference.  So...you have been warned :)

I have never been the boyfriend girl.  I have always had guys around, I'm kind of a guys girl and have always had more guy friends than girl friends.  And I've always had crushes, boys I've liked, 'dates', etc.  But I am also picky as hell when it comes to who I could actually "spend the rest of my life with" and I refuse to give you a chance and call you my boyfriend if I don't think it'll work in the future.  It's kind of a joke, but it has been said that if you last two weeks with me you must be special and if you make it two months you must really be special.  It's a joke, but it has some truth behind it.  It doesn't take me long to decide whether I'd like you to stick around in my life or not.

I've had a couple other relationships, but they were all very short.  The most recent one was the longest, best relationship I've had.  The whole experience changed me a lot, and I now have a better point of reference going forward for really what I am truly looking for out of a partner.  I am still trying to figure out what I really want to do with my life, I think I will forever be on that quest honestly.  But I am at the point in my life, that I am really ready for a relationship.  I don't have a lot of time these days, but I miss having that other person there when you've had a long day and you just want to curl up and be with the person that makes you happy.  I miss having someone to eat with and sleep next to, and just be there when you need them, and I never thought I would miss all of that the most.

Relationships take work and they're never easy, but at the same time there are relationships that really ARE easy, and they just work.  I never knew this to be true until my most recent relationshiop.  Until the end everything was just so effortless and natural.  Dating sucks, it is seriously not fun at all.

Most people tell you that you have to figure out who you are and what you want to do with your life before you can make someone else happy, and part of me believes that.  I believe you have to be happy with who you are, because you cannot expect to make someone else happy if you can't make yourself happy.  But in my personal life I feel like I could be happy doing anything career-wise as long as I have a happy relationship and a family.  I am not saying that I would give up who I am to have the relationship & family, but I also do not want a career that is going to get in the way of me having a relationship and family.  I was born to be a mom, and that ranks higher than career on my list.

I guess I'm not getting any younger at this point, and I'm tired of the same old thing.  I'm ready for the next step in my life.  I don't need to go out and meet boys...I need to just meet "the one" boy.  I'm not in a rush to make it happen...just ready for it.

Now...this old lady needs to get her beauty rest.  G'night all! <3